Time for a Re-Check – (7/22/09)

Sand handSo today I go back to have my hand checked. I was supposed to be massaging and putting lotion on it to make sure the stitches didn’t cause problems in the future.

Well, believe it or not, I did what they told me! I massaged the heck out of my hand over the last five weeks since they took out the stitches. Once the shock of seeing my hand all cut up was over, I very gently, at first, started rubbing “Gold Bond Ultimate Healing Skin Therapy Lotion” all over it in globs! This stuff has Aloe and Vitamin E which is supposed to moisten your skin while it heals. And that it did.

My hand really looks good now. You can hardly tell where the stitches are except for the little puckering. As my beautiful Wife said, “It looks like a quilt after it’s been stitched.” Well, my hand is still kind of puffy and maybe a little swollen, but I don’t think it looks like a quilt!

With all the lotion I’ve been putting on, my hand does look like a marshmallow! I was trying to put the lotion on twice a day, but my wonderful Wife pointed out that that wasn’t enough. She “suggested” that I do it at least FIVE times a day to get the dryness out. She’s always said that my hands were like sandpaper especially when I rubbed them together. Well, guys are supposed to have rough hands. I don’t ever want to shake hands with another guy and have him tell me, “Oh, your hand is so soft!”; yuck, yuck! But since she “suggested it”, I did lather the lotion on FIVE times a day for about two days!

Slick handDuring that two days, I could hardly pick anything up! My hands felt like they had been dipped in butter! I would try to rub the lotion in real good but after 3o minutes of rubbing my hands together, I was getting tired! I couldn’t even turn a door nob cause my hands were so slippery. I was in the bathroom taking the lid off my deodorant and my hand was so slippery that the lid shot clear across the room and into the tub. I was afraid to put my razor near my throat cause I just knew it would slip right through my greasy hands and cut my throat! So, putting lotion on FIVE times a day didn’t last long, thank goodness!

Anyway, we got to the doctors office for a follow-up visit and I get called in. I’m not actually going to see the surgeon. Apparently, once he cuts you all up and empties your wallet, he doesn’t have time for you anymore! So, the PA (that’s Physician Assistant) comes in and I show him my hand. I remark to him that it’s not gushing blood and there’s no bones showing so I think it’s in pretty good shape.

And he agrees with me! In fact, he says it’s the first hand he’s seen today that wasn’t gushing blood or had bones showing! Glad I don’t work in his office. He continues to examine my hand and says, “Well, I see you’ve been using some lotion and massaging your hand.”

I said, “Yep! FIVE times a day!”And of course, my lovely Wife has to say, “Oh, you have not! He was barely doing it twice a day!”

So much for me trying to establish some rapport and trust with this PA. Now he’s not going to believe a thing I say!

Still, he says my hand is looking good, very good, in fact. I tell him it’s still a little hard to make a tight fist. He looks at my hand and says that it’s probably due to my “fat fingers!” Yeah, that’s what he said. Fat Fingers! He does explain that I need to massage my fingers so the fluids don’t build up in them so much. That’s what’s causing them to swell at little. Huh, fat fingers!

Surgical gloved handSo he asks me if I want to get some hand physical therapy. Since I’m right now going to a chiropractor for my back, I tell him I don’t want more therapy. He suggest that I wear a tight glove at night to help “slim” my fingers. He gets one from the therapist office and tries it on me. He tells me they were out of right-hand gloves so he’s just taken a left-hand glove and turned it inside out. Smart, except it doesn’t fit. I can’t hardly feel it around my fingers. So he says he’ll get a medium sized one.

You know, my definition of a genius is someone that uses common sense when it’s obvious that everyone else hasn’t got any. Well, I’m trying to take this inside-out glove off and the PA is waiting to turn it right-side out when my Genius Wife says, “Just pull the fingers of the glove out with you and it’ll be right-side out automatically when it’s completely off!” Well, dang if it didn’t turn out just that way! I don’t think neither I nor the PA figured out how she knew to do that and I still don’t today!

Anyways, he gets a tighter glove and it fits like it should. So, we’re done with the exam.

I get to go back in about a month. I guess I’m supposed to be able to make a tight fist by then, fat fingers and all! We’ll see. bottom-line…my hand feels great! Doesn’t hurt any more!

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