Rip! There Goes Another Body Part!

[CAUTION:  This is an extremely long, long article.  Please set aside about a week to read it.  If you give up, I won’t blame you!]

You’re coasting along during a normal week, not having a whole lot of worries; everything seems to be just fine…and then, suddenly, you fall into the Twilight Zone!

twilight_zoneMy week of 13 July started out just like any other week. I was working at my hobby which was and still is sleeping. I get up each morning around 9 or 10 or whatever time Ramona tells me to, shave, shower and go eat breakfast. By 11 I’m ready to brush my teeth so I’ll be ready for lunch!

Day in day out; nothing much changes. Don’t call me before 10 am because I’ll be asleep. Don’t call me after 10 pm because I’ll be asleep. I know this sounds terribly exciting, but I am Army and Navy trained so I know how to sleep through anything.

Then Thursday came. Yeah, that Thursday. The day that, for me, will live in infamy (whatever that means).

We had run some errands and then stopped at McAlister’s for dinner. Now this is not usually a heavy dinner because this is a delicatessen restaurant and we both have our favorite sandwiches. Except today!

I had to try something different. I noticed they had a nacho basket which I was surprised to see but it sounded great so I ordered that.

Super-Cheesy-NachosI was kind of surprised when two waiters, excuse me, servers, brought my plate out.  I didn’t think it really took to guys to carry my nachos, but they were kind of wimpy looking.  In retrospect, it was a rather large plate of nachos, but I have many, many years of eating experience so I thought, no problem.  There were a lot of nacho chips covered with melted cheese and mountains of jalapeños, but I had a large drink filled with Dr. Pepper, so I dug in.

I’m not saying I ate too much, but strangely, I’ve never ordered that plate again!  By the time I stopped the plate was almost, but not quite cleaned up.  Ramona commented on the fact that I had tried to finish off the entire plate.   She said I shouldn’t be hungry any more.  Well, ha!  I already knew that I wasn’t hungry any more and probably wouldn’t eat ever again!

We left McAlister’s and headed back home. Usually after dinner we both sit down in the living room for some TV until around 10:30 and then we go to bed.

I think around 7 pm I started to feel kind of uncomfortable. My stomach felt like it held a huge block of cheese, but I knew that couldn’t be because all the cheese I had, had been melted.  I decided to implement the solution to most all my stomach problems.  I went to the bathroom, quickly.

After about an hour, I realized this solution wasn’t going to work!  I won’t go into details, thank me, but I wasn’t feeling any better.

I made my way back to the living room, realizing that while my stomach was still hurting, my legs were having a tough time moving.  Seems like when you sit on the toilet for a while, your legs can go to sleep.  I’m sure most of you have never had that happen, but for us men, it can happen quite often.  Still, I made it back to my recliner in front of the TV.

I wasn’t feeling any better and the TV shows weren’t doing me any good either.  I think we were watching an old movie titled, “The Man Who Ate Too Much!”.  Not a very funny movie.  So I decide that I should go to bed and let my stomach fix itself over night.

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